8:59pm: You can't do this to me. Why do you? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? I wish I had never found Jarod. Nobody cares anymore, though. Why can't I just find someone? All I want is to be happy. Why does everyone have to take that away from me? I hate Jarod so much for doing this to me. My heart's never been this broken. Why did I have to love him so much? Life is so unfair. You just can't do this to me. I'm so pissed that nothing ever goes my way. I miss Anthony. I miss Jarrod. I miss my life. No, I don't. I don't know anymore. I don't know who I am or what I am anymore. I'm such a wimp. Please wipe away these tears before they ruin the page. Lave. Just go away. Just leave me alone. GO AWAY!! There's something inside that doesn't go away. It's not really like anybody gives a damn anymore. I want to kill everyone. I wonder what it would feel like to die? This sure is a sucky song on the radio. I just wish I knew what was wrong. I just want to be happy. I just want to be happy.
10:07pm: I really don't know what I'm supposed to do. I have these mental and emotional breakdowns rarely, but when I do--it's really bad. And I just don't know what to do or how to fix things. I mean, I know I want to be happy, but maybe Jarod's right-I'm not letting myself. I'm not letting new things or people come along. Or maybe I just don't want to get hurt again. Cause we all know I definitely do not want all this to happen again. I'm afraid. Afraid to love. Afraid to leave. Afraid to remember and forget. Afraid to change or be changed. Everything is always just dangled in my face, knowing I can never grab it. I grabbed it once, but it fell out of my hands. This always goes back to Jarrod somehow. But it's okay to eat fish 'cause they don't have any feelings.
(OH. MY. GOD. I AM SO. DRAMATIC. )
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